I had to stop thinking

Here’s a way to stop the endless news dipping. Turn off the Instagram pages, close your ears to news anchors, take out the sketch book, scribble, then stitch. I had to stop thinking this week. I had to disappear from day in day out headlines and distractions. It started with a What If?

What if I only used straight lines and angular corners when drawing a line that never ended. Fill up the page then turn the page 90 degrees to fill it up again. What would I discover?

Here’s the drawing

Filling in the intersections yields a background foreground pattern.

On to stitching

A square of raw canvas, some wool batting and my trusty black thread started me off. I use YLI 40 wt. cotton thread. It has a deep black color and a strong presence. You can’t miss it when stitching on a light background. It’s all about commitment right?

The nice thing about this exercise is that it stopped me thinking about anything but where the thread wanted to go. I had to anticipate the turns. Here’s the base stitching.

I find that the stiffness of the raw canvas and the loft of the wool batting gives me a surface that has both body and resiliency.

Next step, fill in the blanks. This step was like finding treasure.

Choosing which blank areas would be filled in allowed some shapes to have more definition while others could fade away. Letting the pattern meander across the surface brought some active negative spaces and some interesting positive shapes.

What are you looking at?

Then I started seeing faces. It’s a very common thing with me (see this post for more on that). So I added dots for eyes.

What a powerful thing a dot is.

It looks like some of these guys are asking the same questions I have.

Here’s where it stands now. I may add more shaded areas. I may add more dots. I may cut it up and make something else out of it.

I See Faces, 25” x 28”, Paula Kovarik

Taking a break from thinking made me feel a little more settled this week. I recommend it.

On collecting.

My studio is a hive of fabric and images. There are usually 3-4 pieces in process on the walls or tables, notes to myself stuck on various surfaces and a 12 foot bulletin board with paper flotsam pinned in layers. But more than that, I have collections of debris everywhere.

I have become a magpie, collecting shiny objects for the pile.

At the end of each project I wrap the trimmings into these textural balls as reminders of the raw and unfinished.

I collect rocks with holes in them for their animated messages.

I wrap tubes with strips of fabric. I don’t know why.

I stitch down trimmings.

I save thread ends, tie them together and wrap them onto spools or stuff them into holding cells.

I save all found rust. Especially the curly ones.

The bulletin board has 10 years of layers on it. I may have to edit soon.

Scraps from cut up quilts are great raw material for new work.

The fabric rainbow gives me great joy every time I see it.

The mask table is getting full. I may have to figure out some other way of keeping these soon.

I won’t go into the insect exoskeletons, broken shells, animal bones and feathery bits that turn up in my drawers. I think this habit of collecting drives my creativity. The rich raw materials that surround me take me beyond the mundane.

What do you collect? Tell me about it.

speechless

Pandemic, murder, demonstrations, voter supression, police brutality and…coming around the bend….climate change. The stress load is heavier and heavier. I’m not sure I can even line up two or three sentences that parse how I am feeling. I’m speechless.

I can only show you what I am working on. This piece is called Silos. Silos as in we are all separating into our own narratives. Silos like how we store up for the future. Silos like when there is a surplus. Silos as in dysfunctional business environments. Silos like media streams that only speak to the loyal. Silos as in isolation.

It started with masks.

silo_mask_PKovarik.jpg

And a quilt I no longer wanted.

She Didn’t Have the Password. 2020.

That got cut up.

silos_cutup_PKovarik.jpg

Into head shapes.

And added to a newly created background.

Maybe next time I post here I will figure out what to say.

What are you working on?

Send me a whisper, give me some words.

Focus

On the news today I heard a commentator say that the definition of the word crisis could be described as a turning point.

In a crisis our feelers go up, vision sharpens, breathe quickens. We have to make choices about our health, our loved ones and our resources. We need to pay attention to things that normally we take for granted — electricity, food, cell phone service, access to healthcare, safety.

A week ago our electricity went out for 9 hours. That got me thinking. All the what ifs started. What if we didn’t have a communications grid? What if the water system failed? What if aliens landed (I don’t recommend watching War of the Worlds right now)?

Do you have all those crazy thoughts in darkness? I did that night but it passed. I’m not too worried even though I should be. All of those what ifs just put into focus how dependent we are on government services and how much our infrastructure can crumble without warning. It happens in floods, it happens with fires, it happens in earthquakes. And now it is happening to the world. Many leaders have been caught with their pants down and many have stepped up to find solutions. Its the latter category I want to support.

My work is meditative. I wind scraps of thread onto a spool. I wind 1” strips of fabric onto rolls. I sort the cloth bundles that are stored in the studio to build masks. The faces emerge from the scraps. They are my audience and my actors. They satisfy the part of me that wants to express my fear.

My family is fine. My city is handling this crisis well so far. The folks in my orbit are wearing masks and self-isolating. I have more time to read. I can sleep in if I want to. I can try new recipes. I used our stimulus money to support local agencies that are reaching out to people who don’t have as much as we do.

And, I am paying attention. I’m looking for a positive outcome to this turning point.

How are you handling things? Send me a note, a whisper.

a studio visit

Anybody out there?

I’ve been watching the news a lot lately. Looking for hope, solutions and solace. I come away with anxiety instead. I enjoy an occasional good news story when I can find one. John Krasinski has started an instagram feed with his SomeGoodNews show that has lightened my spirits. I’ve finished two large jigsaw puzzles and I think that should be on every doctor’s prescription pad. Reading takes me away (I recommend Bridge of Clay by Markus Zusak and Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead. I just started Adam Bede by George Eliot but I am not sure why) . Yet, I still fall into darkness when I think of the effect of this pandemic.

My life is relatively normal compared to many. I spend a lot of time in my studio. I call and write to friends and relatives to be sure they are still OK. We gather at zoom meetings to say I love you again and again. And I make art.

The pandemic has wormed its dirty little fingers into that work.

Contagion, 28”x28”, Paula Kovarik

Contagion, detail.

Building these masks has been a challenge. I have a mechanism inside that allows their tongues to wag. Still debating about their bodies.

The studio is full of diversions. But I am questioning the reasons to pursue them.

It is a bright and perfect Spring outside. The garden is ablaze in color. Noticing that is a daily gift—a major miracle that reminds me that life is abundant and thriving.

There really aren’t any words I can find to process this experience. I feel it on my skin. It streams in my ears. The distraction of worry seeps into my core. And life is beautiful and abundant and hopeful at the same time. How will these challenges change the way we live life from now on?

What are your strategies for coping?

send me a note, a whisper

May we all rejoice in small miracles and find the strength to fight large beasts.